This Is The End ?
by Guarding My Castle
Summary: My AU thoughts for the end of season 5. Castle has packed up to leave Kate. Is he leaving For good? Why? Will they reconnect? When?
1. Chapter 1

**My musing about the end of season 5. After reading spoilers and blogs. I had this heart attack**

**Naturally. I don't own any part of Castle. Sorry. It belongs to those other people**

* * *

Richard Castle is sitting at the desk in his study, with his laptop sitting on his knees. He has been staring at the blank screen and blinking curser for at least an hour. He has not been able to even begin with what he wants to say. What he needs to say. What he must say.

He has never in his life felt so much at a loss for words as he does right now. He must finish this message that has started in his head. He just can't seem to get it started on the screen.

Giving up on the computer, he places the electronic device down on the desk and picks up his note pad. Getting up from his chair he walks back into his living room. He sits down on the couch and turns to face his front door.

The chain of events that began all those months ago are still strong in his memory. The admission of betrayal. The argument. The anger. The tears. The confessions of his love for her. Finally his exit from her apartment expecting to never see her again.

His tears in believing he had spent four years trying to capture her heart only to be rejected. All of this was then followed by a storm

The storm of her presence at his door. The storm of her kisses. The storm of her admission that all she wanted was him. Then finally the storm that occurred together with her in his bed.

All these things were the beginning of what he had planned to be his forever. He and her together 'Always'

But evidently the universe has different plans for them. Plans he cannot change. Plans that do not include him.

Taking the pad he begins the letter. The hand written letter that will be his last communications with her. The letter where he will put all of his cards on the table so to speak.

His hand is shaking so badly that he can barely read his own hand writing. He wants to say so much, but the trembling will make it difficult to impossible for anyone to read his pinings. He writes a clearly as he can. Laying out everything he wants to tell her. To say to her. He wants to make her understand that this is the best thing for him to do.

His final line on the letter says it clear "Sometimes when you love something or someone you have to prove your love by letting them go"

He tries to remove the tears that stain the paper, but there are too many. He folds the paper, places it into an envelope and seals the flap.

Castle gets up and walks over to his study and takes his phone from the desk and dials a number in his speed dial. When the female voice answers he speaks thru a quivering voice

"Hey, what are you doing?"

She answers "Castle? What's wrong? You sound terrible"

"I've had better days. Are you busy right now?"

"No, I was just doing some laundry. Why?"

"I need you to do me a favor"

"Castle! Have you been crying? You sound like you are upset about something"

"Lanie, I need to get into Kate's apartment. Can you meet me there?"

"Castle, you have your own key to her place. Why don't you just go there?"

"Lanie, I really need someone with me. Please? Will you meet me there?"

"Sure writer boy. But you better tell me what is happening when I get there"

"I will if I can, Lanie. I'll be there in 30 minutes. OK?"

"I'm on my way" Lanie hangs up the phone and immediately dials Beckett's cell. After three rings it goes to voice mail. Then Lanie remembers that Kate had told her that she was going to be in a meeting all day today but would not tell her best friend what about until she knew the outcome

Lanie Parish jumps into her car and makes a mad dash to Kate Beckett's apartment. The entire drive has this fireball thinking of all kinds of problems that might be happening between Rick and Kate. When she pulls in front of Beckett's place she sees Castle's Ferrari parked out front. Lanie rushes up to Kate's floor. Expecting to find Castle waiting inside her apartment, she is stunned to see Richard Castle patiently waiting beside the front door. He is carrying a duffle bag in his hand. The bag is obviously empty as it is pretty much flat.

"Thanks for coming Lanie" Castle speaks

"All right Castle. I want to know what is going on"

Rick straightens up and points to the door and Lanie finally opens the lock and they step into the entry hall. After Lanie closes the door Castle turns and asks her to wait while he goes into Kate's bedroom and gets his clothes out of his drawer.

When he returns to the living room he places his key to Beckett's apartment into Lanie's hand, and then he lays the envelope on the counter. With tears in his eyes he reaches over and hugs the woman.

"CASTLE! What is going on? What is happening here?"

"Lanie. I am letting Kate go. I am in her way. I am hindering her advancing so I am letting her go."

Richard Castle. What are you talking about? Holding her back? Letting her go? I don't understand? Talk to me or I promise that they will never identify your remains"

"Lanie! Please make sure Kate gets her key back and make sure she gets the letter. Tell her that she can come by my loft anytime this next week for her stuff because I am leaving town for a while

Lanie Parish is totally stunned and a loss for words.

Before she can recover enough to ask any more questions, Castle turns and walks out of Katherine Beckett's apartment gets into his car and speeds off into the belly of New York


	2. Chapter 2

**I had no idea how much people like angst. **  
**So here is some more**

* * *

3 Days Ago

Detective Kate Beckett is at her desk processing paperwork. It seems she does spend more time on paperwork than on actual police work. When she became a police officer, it was for the purpose of finding the person or persons responsible for her mother's death. Not for long days filling out countless forms and reports.

Then she worked hard to become a detective. Specifically a homicide detective hoping that there would be less paperwork. She soon found out instead that the paperwork only increased.

This morning she was actually almost ready to finish the latest file and send the documents down to One Police Plaza for filing with the DA. After signing her name and putting her badge number on the bottom line, she closed the cover, placed it in the out basket. She then looked at her empty 'In' basket and let out a sigh of relief

Looking around to the other wise empty floor, she gets up to get a jolt of caffeine from the machine Castle gave to the department. When she returns to her desk, she finds an inter department envelope on the desk top. The return shows that it came from the commissioner's office.

She is puzzled as to why she would have correspondence form the commissioner. She opens the envelope and reads the enclosed document. The memo begins with a statement that this memo is for the eyes of Kate Beckett only and not to be disclosed or discussed with any other member of the department. The very nature of this is puzzling to Kate

She continues to read that she is directed to appear at a building in mid town at 1:00 PM today for an interview. After re reading the instructions she glances to the captain's office to find her look being returned by Victoria Gates.

Captain Gates gets up from her desk and walks to Beckett's desk "Detective, do you know what this is about?" Holding up her copy of Beckett's orders

"No sir! I am as much in the dark as you are. But I will let you know as soon as I know what is happening ", Then looking back at the wording concerning no disclosure "If I am allowed to that is"

"Very well detective"

Looking at her watch, Kate decides she needs to take lunch and head to the assigned meeting and she gets up from her desk

When she gets in the car, she sends a text to Castle "meeting immediately after lunch. Will call you later"

He responds immediately "K"

She wishes he were with her today instead at a book signing to support her with whatever is happening. Since the memo came from the commissioner and the commissioner is one of Rick's friends, she assumes he can get answers for her if she needs it.

She stops at Remy's for a quick burger then on to mid town for her meeting. She arrives at the specified building to find a simple three story structure with no signs outside and a plain front door entering into a small foyer. After she enters the door, she sees that there is a short hall leading to another interior door.

She knocks on the second door and immediately hears a buzzer granting her entry. Passing thru the second door she arrives in a simple lobby. There is on desk with a middle aged woman looking over her counter toward Kate

"Detective Beckett? Please come in and have a seat. They will be with you in a few minutes".

"Excuse me. But who is 'they'? And where am I and who are you?"

"Please detective. All your questions will be answered in just a few minutes. Please have a seat" Pointing to two very comfortable looking chairs on the wall

Beckett reaches to her hip feeling to make sure her Glock is there. Just a little moment of comfort verifying her weapon is at the ready

A very few minutes pass before the inner door opens and a very familiar face appears

Special Agent Will Sorenson is holding the door open for Beckett "Kate please come in"

Kate is more than a little taken back to see a person from her past

"Hello Will. How are you?"

"Fine Kate. Please follow me" Sorenson leads Detective Beckett down a short hall to a conference room. When they enter Kate is again surprised by the faces of those in attendance

Sitting at the conference room table are Special Agent Jordan Shaw of the FBI. Special Agent Mark Fallon from Homeland Security. Agent Martin Danberg of the CIA. Finally one other man that Beckett did not recognize.

Sorenson speaks to the assembled group. "Kate, I believe you know everyone here except maybe Agent Todd Walker. He is with NSA. Agent Walker "Detective Katherine Beckett"

There are several comments of "Good to see you again", "It's been a long time" spoken from all around the room and finally Agent Walker reaches out his hand "Good to finally meet the famous Detective Beckett."

"Thank you sir?"

"Detective, please sit down" Agent Shaw points to an empty chair

Agent Fallon seems to be in charge of the meeting Detective Beckett, before we start this meeting, I need to advise you that anything discussed in this meeting is classified and discussion of what takes place here today will result in criminal prosecution. Just so you understand"

Beckett responds "Understood"

"Detective, I guess you are wondering what is happening and why you are here?"

"To be perfectly honest. Yes! I am very confused. I can't imagine why I am here and what all of you are doing here"

"Detective Beckett, we are representatives of all the national and international agencies of our government. Each of our agencies is tasked with protecting our citizens and country at some level. Some of us are limited to guarding the country from within. Some are responsible to protect from outside threats. Each of our tasks are tightly managed. And because of this tight management many dangers pass thru the cracks between these groups everyday."

Agent Walker speaks "Such as the terrorists that brought down the Trade Center towers. We missed them due to lack of communications."

Sorenson speaks to Beckett "Kate, this is where you come in. We are creating a task force that will cross all agency boundaries. You are the one we want to be the director. You will be the top dog so to speak."

Beckett is taken back "I really don't know what to say. This is a fantastic honor to even be considered for this"

Agent Walker continues "Ms. Beckett there is actually more. As the director, you will get to choose your leadership team. In other words, we know that you work very closely with detectives Ryan and Esposito. We assume you will want them to be your management group."

"Gentlemen, I am truly honored here, but I think there are many more qualified and seasoned men and women out there that would jump at this chance."

Agent Shaw counters "Detective. The main reason you are the finalist for this job is your team's ability to get the cases solved. You have taken on many unusual cases and have been able to bring the criminals to justice. It takes great crime solving skills to accomplish that closure rate. That crime solving ability is we need in this new department"

Kate is thinking about what was just said to her about her case closure rate. She knows very well that Castle is largely responsible for that closure rate being so high

"Besides my other two detectives, I would want my civilian consultant Richard Castle to also be included in this, that is if I were to accept the offer"

The other agents look around to each other when Agent Danberg of the CIA responds "Ms. Beckett. That might be a problem. Number one he is a civilian. Also he is not a sworn officer like the other two you mentioned."

Danberg then looks over to the NSA operative "Also this is going to be an operation that requires a high level of security. In fact you and the other two police detectives you mentioned have already been cleared to the highest level for intelligence gathering and distribution. As a mater of fact, your detective Esposito had already been cleared long before we even considered him for this job. He was Special Forces, and he was involved in many very clandestine operations"

"So, what are you saying about Castle?" Beckett questions

"Detective, Mr. Castle has shall we say unverifiable family history"

"What are you talking about?"

"I believe he claims that he does not know who his father is? Is that correct?"

"That is correct. Why? Is that a problem?"

The CIA and NSA agents again glance around the room "Honestly Ms. Beckett. If we cannot do a complete background check, we cannot have him anywhere near this operation or in contact with anyone in the group. Including you"

This comment catches Kate Beckett completely off guard. She never even considered the possibility that Castle not knowing who his father was could create issues to her and her career path

Agent Danberg continues "His presence in you precinct is probably holding you down right now as a matter of fact."

Agent Shaw comments "Detective, I know when I first met you that you told me that the friendship was purely platonic and he was just observing you for his books. He should have enough notes to write his novels for the rest of his life I think that you need to consider that he has observed you long enough"

After a brief pause Shaw finishes her statement "Detective Beckett, Mr. Castle is holding you down and for the sake of your own personal advancement, you need to consider severing any partnership you have with him. You need him totally out of your life"


	3. Chapter 3

Richard Castle has finished his book signing at Borders Books and has returned to the 12th. He enters the bull pin and looks for his girlfriend but she is no where to be found. After he passes her desk he encounters Captain Gates.

"Hello Captain, is Beckett around?"

"No Mr. Castle. She is at a meeting that she was ordered to be at by the commissioner"

"OH? Did she say what the meeting was about?"

"No. I assumed that since you seem to be well connected to the commissioner and the mayor you knew all about it"

"No Captain. I know nothing about any meeting. But I can call down there and see what I can find out" Castle takes out his cell phone and dials Commissioner Riley's office

"Hello Jan, its Rick Castle. Is he in?"

After a brief pause "Paul, its Rick. What's up? Nothing with me. How's the family. Great! Hey can you tell me what's going on with Beckett?"

Castle listens intently as the commissioner talks on every subject except the question Castle just asked. Then he finally says "Rick! Let's go have drinks at the Old Haunt. Meet me about 7:00" And the commissioner hangs up the phone

Captain Gates notices that Castle has a questioning look on his face .

"Mr. Castle. You seem troubled. Is something wrong?"

"Paul avoided my question then suggested we have drinks after work. That usually means that he couldn't talk. Someone was around. I will meet him and let you know what I find out"

Castle walks to the elevator and heads out to his own bar. When he arrives, he heads down to the office to go over the books before meeting his old friend.

Just before 7:00 Castle walks up stairs to the main floor. He looks around to see the commissioner sitting at a corner table with his body guards close by. Rick walks up to his old friend "Paul is everything all right here? Do you need afresh drink" Castle can see that the man has not even touched the drink on the table.

"Hello Rick. No everything is great. Can you sit for a minute? We need to catch up on old times. I haven't seen you in a while" Motioning for Rick to join him. The Commissioner turns to his guards and motions for them to move a distance away so the two men can talk in private

"I couldn't talk at the office. There were several government people around when you called. So I thought this might be better"

"I figured something like that must be happening. So what is going on so secretive with Kate?"

Commissioner Riley looks around as if he expects to be under surveillance himself. "Detective Beckett is being offered a job with the government."

Richard Castle stunned by the revelation from his old poker buddy "Really? What kind of a job?"

"One of these jobs that you can't talk about. The type job that you never mention in public about where you work or who you work for. In fact I have very little information myself. I just know we have had requests for information from the justice department about her, Ryan, Esposito, and even you"

"What type information are we talking about?"

"You know. Parents names siblings, grand parents. They were running a complete background security check on everyone surrounding Beckett"

"Wow. That is something. Can she talk about it?"

"No. As a matter of fact, I shouldn't have told you as much as I have. But I know you will keep it under wraps"

Sure Paul. I can keep it to myself. When are they expecting for her to start?"

"As soon as she accepts the offer, they will begin the transfer of assets from the NYPD to this new group. They are wanting for her to take over by the first of the week."

"That is only what? Four days away? Paul, I will not say anything to Kate but if you hear anything, please let me know"

"You got it Rick. Anyway I have been meaning to ask you something. Have you and her ever gotten together? I am hearing nothing about any wild romantic weekends being celebrated between you two"

Rick really wants to sing her praises from the rooftops, but instead "No Paul. Same old Same Old. But I keep trying"

"Rick. Don't give up on her. OK?"

"You got it Paul"

The commissioner gets up and leaves the bar. Castle sits for a few more minutes before leaving heading toward Kate's apartment

When he arrives and knocks on the door he hears her shuffling before she opens up.

"Hey, Rick. Why didn't you use your key and just come on in?"

"I never know when you might be armed and decide to shoot the next person entering your apartment."

Richard Castle can tell that Kate has been crying

"Hey beautiful. What's wrong? You've been crying"

Kate wipes a tear from her cheek. She is trying to come up with an excuse to give Rick. Something other than the fact she has been told under so uncertain terms to dump the first man in her life that she has really fallen in love with.

"OH I was just reading this dumb romance novel where the heroine has to dump her boyfriend because of a new job she is offered, that's all"

Castle looks around the couch and table. He can see no book anywhere close to where she would be been sitting if she were actually reading something. So he knows that there is something else going on with her

"So you want some dinner? I will order Chinese or pizza. Your choice"

Beckett smiles to Castle "Rick! I really don't feel too good tonight. Can we do this some other time?"

"Sure. You want me to stay with you?"

"No. Why don't you go on home just in case I have something contagious? I don't want to give it to you"

"Are you sure? I will stay on the couch and take care of you"

Kate looks at Ricks eyes "No. You go on home to Martha. We'll talk tomorrow"

"Tomorrow" Castle responds with a smile as he leaves her apartment and closes the door.

All the way back to his apartment his mind is racing trying to figure out exactly what is happening with her. He usually can read her like a book, but today, he is not getting any good vibrations from her.

This all stated after the meeting she had

Castle takes his cell phone out and makes one more phone call. This call is to the mayor

"Bob, Rick Castle. Do you have a minute to talk to me?"

"Sure Rick. This is about Beckett? Isn't it?"

"How do you know, Bob?"

"I do know what is happening but we can't talk on the phone. Can you meet me at my office in 20 minutes?"

Castle answers "Sure Bob" Castle pauses a moment then says "It's bad isn't it?"

The mayor answers "She has a real hard decision ahead of her"

Then it hits Castle. She claims that she was crying over a book about a girl dumping her boyfriend because of her job. She is talking about having to dump me over this new job


	4. Chapter 4

It is almost 11:00 pm when Richard Castle's cab pulls up in front of city hall. The driver looks at the building and then asks Castle "Are you sure you want to be dropped here? There is no one in the building. It is empty?"

"Yes. They are here working and I am expected" Castle pays the driver and walks up the steps and enters the lobby. After the driver feels that his passenger is safe inside, he pulls away

Castle walks up to the guard desk and tells the officer there why he is there and that the mayor is expecting him. The desk sergeant calls upstairs to the mayor's office and gets confirmation that Richard Castle is indeed expected and to allow him up.

On the elevator ride up to the floor where the city council conducts the business of New York, Rick lets his mind wander. That is never a good thing for him to do. It usually results in him believing some wild crazy story that has no basis in fact. If only he knew that this story was worse than even he imagined

When he steps off the elevator he is met by the mayor's administrative assistant, Nancy Smith, who escorts him to the conference room next to the mayor's office.

"Rick. Mayor Weldon will be in here in just a minute. Do you need anything?"

"No Nancy. I'm fine. Why is everyone still here working this late at night?"

"Budget time. They are trying to trim down the Capital Improvement Budget to a manageable level. You know some number the citizens can accept. They are scheduled to take a break in about five minutes. You sure you don't need anything?"

"Thanks. I'm fine"

Nancy closes the door as the leaves the room.

Again the silence and being alone gives Rick a change to consider what is going on, but his thoughts are interrupted by his friend, the mayor, entering the room with flourish

"Rickey! Rickey? How's it going?"

"Hi Bob. Not real good to be honest. I am having an anxiety attack right now"

The mayor sits down in the chair next to Castle. "I do understand Rick. You are seeing something happening that you weren't expecting"

"Bob. Do you know what is this deal with Kate? She was strange earlier tonight. I don't exactly know how to describe it"

The mayor looks out the conference room window as if checking to make sure no one is listening "Rick. She has been offered a job with the feds. A very high level job. The kind of job that comes with big money. A job that means she would go far up the ladder in the intelligence world. The kind of a job any law enforcement officer would give away some body part to have"

"Bob. That's wonderful. Kate deserves it. So what's the problem then? Does it require her to leave the city or what?"

"No the job is here. At least most of the time. She would have to travel some but her home base would still be New York"

Castle can sense that there is something his old friend is leaving out

"OK Bob. What are you NOT telling?"

The mayor looks directly into Rick's eyes and pauses for a moment "Yeah! The job requires serious security clearance."

"All right. Kate shouldn't have any issues with that"

"No. Beckett has already been cleared along with Ryan and Esposito. They knew she would want to take them with her"

"So? Bob. That would be her entire team except for me…?" Castle suddenly realizes he is the issue

"Rick, we received inquires about all four of you from the Justice Department but after a couple of weeks they came back asking for more information on you. It seems that they were having trouble locating information on your father so they could verify your loyalty"

Castle is taken back by this. This explains a lot of things happening with Kate. She must know if she takes the job, he cannot be involved.

"So I would not be allowed to work with the team then?"

"That does seem to be the issue, Rick"

Castle ponders his answer then tells his friend "Thanks for the explanation Bob I am going to go ponder this information.

Castle leaves city hall and return to his loft. His head hits his pillow, but he is having trouble going to sleep. How will he feel if he cannot work with Kate? He decides that having to give up working with her is OK. As long as he is with her otherwise. All is well

* * *

Morning comes much too quickly when you did not even get to bed before 1:00 AM. Castle is up and in the middle of his second cup of coffee and considering making breakfast when there is a knock on his front door.

Imagine his surprise to come face to face with someone he has not seen in several years.

"Good morning Agent Shaw"

"Hello Mr. Castle. May I come in?"

Since no one outside the immediate family and friends knows about him and Kate, he is actually glad she is not here this morning as she usually is. What he doesn't know is that it would have brought up an entire separate conversation than what going to take place had she been there in his bed this morning

Castle steps aside and invites the FBI investigator in. "Please come in Agent Shaw, I was just getting ready to start some breakfast. Would you care for something to eat? Or can I offer you some coffee?"

"Thank you. Coffee will be great"

Castle pours a cup for the agent and sets it on his dining room table. Shaw hangs her bag down over the chair and sits down while Castle sits opposite her with his coffee.

"What brings you to my doorstep this morning Agent Shaw?"

"Mr. Castle we have a situation that I am involved in that I need your assistance with"

"I will be happy to help in any way I can. What do you need if I may ask?"

"The US Government has offered Detective Beckett the job of a lifetime"

"Agent Shaw, that is wonderful. I am pleased that her abilities are finally being noticed and rewarded. How can I help?"

"Mr. Castle. This job requires the highest level of security clearance that exists, so everyone connected with Detective Beckett must be cleared to that same level. That includes Detectives Ryan and Esposito who are both being offered positions with this team"

"I understand. So again, how can I help?"

Not being one to mix words, Agent Shaw speaks bluntly

"Mr. Castle, because we cannot locate your father or any other ancestors on that side of your family, you cannot be cleared to any level of security and therefore cannot be part of this program"

Rick looks off briefly then speaks "OK. I understand. If Kate takes this job, I would not be allowed to shadow her anymore. I am ok with that."

"No. Mr. Castle. You would not be allowed to be associated with her or the team in any manor whatsoever."

"What are you saying Agent Shaw? I would have to completely sever any ties to her or any of the others in the group that I know?"

"Yes. That is exactly what I am saying. I know that you have been shadowing her and the others for five years or so. I would think that by now you would have sufficient research to complete your Nikki Heat series and probably several other books if you so choose. We asking that for the sake of her advancement and appointment to this agency, that you two part ways and you let her move up in the law enforcement community"

Castle is struck hard by this request. He knows that Agent Shaw is right. Kate will be held back because of him.

"Mr. Castle. Understand how important this job is to her and I know you will make the right decision. Thank you for the coffee, but I have a meeting to go to right now. We will be in touch later"

Agent Shaw gets up and departs the loft leaving Richard Castle at his table contemplating the ramifications of this conversation.

Now he has to determine just how he will tell the love of his life that for her own advancement, he will be letting her go.


	5. Chapter 5

**I guess some people do not understand AU. My stories try to avoid the canon.. I can drive down different roads this way. After all I got rid of Bracken in one of my earlier fics. I do this for fun and not to just repeat what Marlowe and his fantastic writers already did.**

**If I wanted to just follow the TV show, I will watch ABC every Monday night and leave it there**

**i also leave readers hanging. You have to come back and see where we land In the next chapter**

* * *

Richard Castle is on the streets of New York. He has no idea where he is going right now. He can't think straight. He is driving without direction or even a plan. Having just left Beckett's apartment where he met with Lanie to get his things from Kate's dresser and to return Kate's key then to drop off his letter to her, he has no definite plans. He will just drive. Drive away. Leave the city.

He knows that Agent Shaw was right. If Kate is being denied advancement because of him, he will never be able to forgive himself. She deserves the accolades. The promotion. She should be placed on that pedestal. He put her on his personal pedestal. But for him to keep her limited to that personal place of his will be selfish on his part. With this new job, she will be on a pedestal for everyone to see.

He faces his car to the open road and presses the gas petal to the floor as he tries to see just how fast he can push the Ferrari

* * *

Katherine Beckett is sitting in a meeting with the same group offering her the new position of director of the yet to be named agency. She thinks to herself they could call it no such agency, but she knows that that is what the NSA was originally called. When anyone was asked what NSA stood for the answer was "No Such Agency"

Agent Fallon is looking directly at Kate Beckett when he asks "Well Detective! Do you accept our offer as the new director of the Joint Operations Group?"

"Agent Fallon, The only way! And I repeat the ONLY way I will accept this is if Richard Castle is allowed to be part of the team"

"Kate! He cannot be background checked and therefore, we cannot accept him. We have already discussed this" Will Sorenson comments

"I know what you have all said. You have said it over and over, but I can tell you without possibility of contradiction, that Richard Castle is as loyal as any of us and will not be a threat to national security. Not to mention that many cases were in fact solved as a direct result of his thinking"

Agent Shaw responds to Kate's statement "Detective Beckett I didn't want to say anything to you but your current stance forces me to do this. I went to see Mr. Castle earlier today and I explained to him the importance of this job you are taking and how his presence in your life is a hindrance and obstacle for your professional future. Now I think he understood the importance of the position being offered to you and is willing to step away from his book deals and shadowing you and stay away from everyone connected with this new group for your sake"

Kate turns red. Not from embarrassment but from pure rage "YOU DID WHAT?"

"We just felt that you were being somewhat defensive over this so we decided the direct approach was best"

Katherine Beckett stands up grabs her bag "This meeting is over!"

Before she can exit the door, Agent Fallon speaks "Detective. Why are you so emotionally charged over this mystery writer? We thought you would be glad to be rid of your tag along?"

"GLAD? None of you understand! Richard Castle and I are a couple. He is my boyfriend! And he has been for almost a year. And so yeah I am emotionally charged over this!"

Then looking over at Agent Shaw with fire in her eyes "And you may have just destroyed a relationship that took four years for the two of us to build"

Kate Beckett slams the door as she exits the room

As soon as she gets into her car, she takes her phone out of her bag. She had silenced it before the meeting started. The first thing she sees is that Lanie has called her 25 times. She is assuming that something bad is happening. Before she can even dial Lanie back, her best friend is calling again

"Beckett"

"Kate! Where are you?"

"I'm just leaving a meeting. Can I call you back? I've got to call Rick. Something terrible is happening"

"Girlfriend! I know! Castle is gone"

"What do you mean gone? Gone where?"

"Kate, I don't know. He asked me to meet him at your place. He went in and got his things from your room, gave me his key to your apartment and then left a letter for you. He said something about being in your way and holding you back. Kate, what is he talking about?"

Tears are pouring down Beckett's face as she tries to start her car. "Lanie, Did he say where he was going?"

"No he just said he would be leaving town and you could get your things from his place anytime you wanted and then he drove off"

Lanie can hear the phone fall on the floor and then all she can hear is her best friend sobbing uncontrollably on the open line.

Kate finally regains control enough to pick the phone off the floor board of the car. She dials Rick's number, but it is sent to voice mail. She is positive that Castle rejected her call. She leaves a very emotional voice mail begging him to please call her back. She wants to talk to him. Desperately!

Beckett starts her car and drives to Castle's loft. When she arrives and enters the lobby the doorman stops her

"Detective Beckett. Mr. Castle is not here. He told me he was leaving and would be gone for several months. Something about a book tour and that you would be by to get your things. Do you need some help with that?"

"No Calvin. I am not here to pick up anything. Did he leave any messages, itinerary, schedule as to where he would be? Anything at all?"

Looking very apologetic he replies "No Detective. I am afraid I don't have his schedule. Sorry"

Kate gets back into her cruiser and drives to her apartment. When Kate arrives she finds that Lanie is still there

"Lanie, why are you still here?"

"I wanted to make sure you got back safe and sound. Did you find him?"

Very dejectedly Kate responds "No. The door man said he has left"

Beckett starts to cry again. "Lanie! I can't loose him. What else did he say?"

"Sweetie, just that he was in your way and he was letting you go. Kate. What is he talking about?"

Beckett can hardly compose herself "Lanie. I was offered a job, but Rick and I would not be allowed to see each other ever again"

"Kate? Did you take the job?"

Kate has walked over to the counter where Rick dropped the note "No I refused the job if it meant never being with him. What is this?" she asks while picking up the envelope

"OH. Castle left that"

Kate takes the envelope to the couch and sits down to read Rick's letter to her

Several of the words are smeared by the tear stains covering the paper.

* * *

_Kate, my love_

_I want to start off with these three words._

_I Love You_

_My love for you is forever._

_That is all there is to that. I have loved you since the very first moment I laid eyes on you. I know it sounds crazy but for me it really was love at first sight._

_I know that back then that you wished I was not there, but I couldn't help myself. I just wanted to get to know you but I am glad you tried to ditch me though. It made the chase fun._

_I know about the job offer. I also heard you were thinking about turning it down._

_Please Kate! Don't do that because of me. You are being given the opportunity of a lifetime. You will be the founding director of the agency. Your name will go down in the history books._

_You missed your chance of graduating from law school at Stanford. You missed out on becoming the first female chief justice of the Supreme Court. You missed getting justice for your mother's murder._

_I don't want you to miss another opportunity. These offers don't come around every day. For some people they never come around at all. You can be someone the world will remember._

_You are special to me. Now you can be special to everyone. You are the best homicide detective in the city if not the nation. Now you can be the one who stops the next major attack on North America._

_But having me around to drag you down? Kate, I'm not worth it. Please. I don't want you to wake up one morning and think_

_What if…?_

_So Please! Please take the job. You deserve it. You earned the recognition._

_I am leaving town now. I will stay away as long as you need me to be so I will not be a distraction._

_And most importantly please remember that I will love you_

_Always._

_Sometimes when you love something or someone you have to prove your love by letting them go_

_Rick_


	6. Chapter 6

**Time to put a bow around this story**

* * *

He has been gone for three weeks just traveling from city to city. State to state. Never stopping for long. Just finding a hotel room with a shower and a bed to sleep on. A little time away from everyone.

After leaving New York he first stopped in Washington DC. He wanted to see he town that took his love away from him. He spent a couple of days in the Smithsonian. You could spend a month there and still not see everything.

Then he traveled south stopping to visit the home of Kentucky whiskey. That liquid that he is beginning to consume in larger and larger quantities. He is trying to convince himself that his drinking is for research

New Orleans is next on the agenda. Too bad it is not time for Mardi gras. He really wanted to get near some celebrations going on.

Two weeks into traveling like a gypsy he decides he has to stop for a little while and try to write something. He has to get his mind off of HER if that is even possible

So now he is stepping from his room onto his private cabana at the Regal Hotel and Resort in Naples Florida. Laptop case by his side. It's early in the day so the sun is to his back. He can see the hotel pool just a few feet from his lounge chair and the Gulf of Mexico a short distance away. Close enough to hear the waves crash onto the beach.

The room service attendant steps up "Good morning Mr. Castle. Are you enjoying your stay with us?"

"Yes, very much. This is a beautiful spot to just sit and relax"

"Yes it is. Can I get you anything this morning for breakfast?"

Richard Castle thinks for just a moment "Yeah. I want something a little different today"

"What would that be Mr. Castle?"

"A Grande Skim Latte with two pumps of sugar free vanilla and a bear claw"

"I am not sure we have the bear claw here at the hotel"

"I really do want one. I know I will have to pay extra for the service, but it is really, really important to me"

"I will have someone go to a nearby donut shop and get you one"

"Thank you so very much" Castle responds

Richard Castle opens his lap top case and removes his computer. The computer where all of the important memories of his life are stored. The computer that contains the pictures of Kate, Alexis and his mother. The computer that contains all the love letters he wrote to Kate that he just never sent. Too late now. He cannot send anything to her. It will just bring pain. Pain to him and most likely a large amount of pain to her. The computer that he has used to make sure Alexis and Martha know he is OK.

Since he has shut off his cell phone the computer has become his only communication path to those back home This computer is how he has received Gina's constant rants about the next book. The e-mails that he has had to answer from her on an almost hourly basis.

This is the computer that also contains all of his memories of Nikki Heat. That beautiful, amazing, wonderful, extraordinary Nikki Heat.

Now he must bring an end to Nikki Heat.

Deciding how to end the Nikki Heat series of books was never something Richard Castle had ever contemplated having to do. He really thought that having Kate Beckett as his one and only would give him all the materials he needed to write the stories about her for decades to come

He cannot think of a proper ending for her. He has decided that he will not under any circumstance kill her off. He knows Jamison Rook will jump off the pages of his book and take Castle out if he were to do that to Nikki.

He has decided that he will actually write a book he at one time considered.

"Federal Heat" Just his original idea was a sexy and savvy FBI agent who joins forces with Nikki and they solve the crime together has changed. In this new case, he will have Nikki leave the force and the city and Rook and join up with the feds where she will disappear forever into the seedy underbelly of espionage.

He opens a new document page identifying it as Chapter 1 then he just stops. His fingers are paused over the keys. He cannot begin to do this. His mind is blank. She has already gone. Without being able to bring her a cup of coffee every day to just see a smile on her face, he is lost.

All the memories of her he is trying to suppress are coming back with a vengeance. He cannot even begin to sort them out. How did we come full circle to this?

His train of thought is broken by the attendant standing above the lounge chair, clearing his throat. He is holding a tray

"Where would you like this, Mr. Castle?"

Rick moves his lap top case and points to the table beside his chair.

As the attendant places the tray down and hands Castle the ticket. Rick reaches up to sign when he notices that the tray contains two coffees and two bear claws. The napkin below the bear claws has one hand written word

"Always"

"Why is there two? I only ordered one"

Pointing to the swimming pool just beside the cabana the attendant says "Oh, the lady over there ordered the other one"

Richard Castle turns to look. He is starting to believe that he is hallucinating. He thinks he sees Katherine Beckett stepping up out of the water wearing the same swim suit she wore when they were together in Los Angeles.

With this illusion approaching, his heart starts beating faster and faster. He must be dreaming. This cannot be real.

She gets closer and closer and he finds it harder and harder to breathe. Then she is standing at his feet. She points to the chair beside him.

"Is this seat taken?"

"UH! NO!"

She takes a towel from the rack and sits down to start drying her self off.

"You look like my favorite mystery writer, Richard Castle"

"You look like the muse for my favorite character, Nikki Heat"

"You know I have a massive crush on my favorite author?"

"I have a giant crush on my Muse"

"I have one question for my favorite author"

Castle has reached the point he can hardly talk "What is that?"

Beckett smiles "Would you like to marry me?

"Hey, I am the one who is supposed to ask that question":

"I got tired of waiting"

Castle reaches over into his lap top case and brings out the small jewelry box that he has been carrying with him everywhere for the last three years. He opens the top to reveal a flawless diamond solitaire

Hands shaking and tears in his eyes.

"Katherine Beckett PLEASE merry me!"

She looks off to the side. "Oh? Let me think about that for a little while."

Castle's eyes grow wide then she answers him with just one word

"YES"

* * *

As I finish this story, I wish to express my sincere appreciation to all the readers. If you have not noticed, I do not get graphic  
in my stories. This is because I have observed that there are a number of very young readers on this site. They will grow up fast  
enough without reading too much detail on these pages.

So for now, I will return to the story I was working on before this stupid thing hit my brain.


End file.
